(Gretel's POV)
After returning from our journey in the wilderness Hansel and I explained the entire story to our father. As we explained the details of our life threatening adventure our father cried. As I was about to hand my father a piece of cloth to wipe his tears, Hansel stood up and said, “No! Do not give him a cloth to wipe his tears, he deserves to feel regret!” I looked at my brother and could not understand why he was upset, however I handed the cloth to my father anyways.
During dinner the next night Hansel stood quite and did not speak to father. I was finally serving myself after cooking a chicken pot pie, and decided to confront Hansel. “Hansel, why haven’t you spoken to father?” I said. Hansel replied, “He’s a coward that left us for died; he deserves to die like mother did too.” Hansel grabbed his plate and walked away from the dinner table. I began to cry.
After dinner father knocked on Hansel’s door to talk to him. Hansel never replied or opened the door. Father walked away and went to bed sad because he knew Hansel had lost all love for him, and in place had hatred toward him. Hansel decided never to talk to father again.
I tried for a year to convince Hansel to speak with father, but Hansel’s anger grew over time. Hansel was consuming himself with this hatred. Hansel was very much like our mother; he held on to his feelings and did not budge. After a while Hansel started to get very strong chest pains, and he became very ill. I tried my best to help him, but Hansel did not want any help. Hansel was dying and because of his anger and hatred he did not want help from father and I.
After two months in bed Hansel died, the doctor said that the cause of death was a mystery. The doctor pulled me aside and said, “Gretel to be honest with you it’s as if Hansel strained his heart and emotionally was going through stress. That can’t be proven physically, but I can’t puzzle it together.”
I cried and vowed to never hold any grudge or to ever leave anyone alone in life. My mother and brother were cruel hearts, and I learned that cruel hearts have short lives.
I really liked you version. Your message of forgiving people and how holding a grudge only hurts yourself is very clear throughout the story and the last few sentences send a powerful message to your reader. The only thing was in your second paragraph I wasn't sure if it was a typo or not... You said He's a coward he left us for died. Did you mean he left us to die? Other than that one thing I really enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteI thought it was great. I did enjoy the message about holding grudges is not worth it. I did not notice any major issues, just the same typo error about the coward he left us for died, maybe you meant dead?
ReplyDelete